Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Hit the Road, 2015






































In these days after the holidays I'm finding it absolutely crucial to engage in the wearing of silly hats/head accessories. It is going to be a long winter, people. If you pack up your fun clothes after Christmas it is going to be rather bleak through the next few months. A little faux fur does wonders for my outlook, not to mention adding a pop of interest to the utilitarian clothes our climate demands.





































OK, scratch that bit about utilitarian clothing because we all know I'd have some sort of fit and go into shock if I tried dressing sensibly. Foot of snow on the ground? No problem! I'll just wear boots with my floor-length silk skirt. I did wear warm socks and a coat-I haven't completely lost it.






































Danny prefers the full Arctic explorer look.

I had to make a trip to the DMV yesterday (Department of Motor Vehicles) to renew my driver's licence. I can't believe I'm going to say this but...they were pleasant and helpful. I know, it was like I was in a parallel universe or something. Anyhoo, the very sweet man doing my paperwork wanted me to try and take the vision test without my specs so I wouldn't have a restriction on my licence. I wouldn't dream of driving without them (because I can't see!) but apparently the state only cares about your distance vision, not your ability to see the speedometer up close. I passed the vision test (barely, and I mean I really had to squint) and while I put on my specs the minute I get up in the morning and don't remove them until bedtime, I don't have to worry about a ticket if someone punches me in the face, and I have to drive to the emergency room. I'd say, "In the unlikely event" but I seem to inspire the worst in people, so getting punched in the face isn't even that remote a possibility.






































Did you notice I cleaned the bathroom mirror? I did it just for you! I don't know how the boys manage to get toothpaste on the mirror so high above the sink (not sure I want to know) but the two of them sure do make a mess. I mean, when I brush my teeth I just brush and spit-I don't turn into Buckingham Fountain. Sigh. Graceful pose though, eh?

Outfit Particulars:
Pink silk skirt-Bought it new about 30 years ago, can't remember where
Lurex top-Goodwill
Belt-Shop Ko
Boots-K Mart
Headband-K Mart
Lucite bangles-both thrifted
Vintage brooch-Hand-Me-Ups
Vintage clip earrings-Hand-Me-Ups
Fragrance-Bill Blass for Women (original 70's formula)

Nice muffin-top. Thanks for noticing. I ate cheese for dinner. I didn't even bother with crackers, I just ate a plate of cheese. Fuck you New Year's resolutions. It was hot pepper cheese, if you were wondering.
I'm having a little party tomorrow evening to ring in the new year. I also have a new phonograph and have been reunited with my record collection. I'll need something with a bit of sparkle to wear...but I think I have that covered.

We're going to party like it's 1999 1989 1979  eh, whatever...you know what I mean!

If I don't see you before the clock strikes midnight where you live, have a splendid time, and let's show 2016 we're through taking the sort of shit 2015 had to offer.

All Best,
Goody

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Pre-Storm Anxieties






































I guess Mother Nature is mighty annoyed with us. Tornadoes, floods, wildfires, drought, snowstorms-the whole planet seems to be experiencing the very worst possible. We're under severe blizzard warnings tonight into Monday evening and from the looks of things, it is going to be a bad one. I admit, it seems less worrisome in the city than it did out on a farm in the middle of nowhere. Hopefully, if we do lose power it won't be for days at a time (I don't think city-dwellers would put up with that). We have food, bottled water, batteries, and an entire bookcase filled with board games. We'll survive. I'll take it over flooding or tornadoes. I saw a photo of Leeds this morning-that has to be terrifying.

The last storm caught us off guard; this one we're being warned about around-the-clock. I'm not sure what's worse. Worrying isn't useful, but I do it anyway. After the snow comes the deep freeze. I'm not really bothered by cold, but the sort of stuff we're expecting would make anyone run indoors (OK, maybe not Canadians, but the rest of us mere mortals find sub-zero temperatures hard to manage). I hope we don't have burst water-mains and pipes all over the city. Sounds like the fashionable New Year's Eve revilers will be wearing long underwear and parkas in Omaha. We'll be toasting the new year with warm mulled wine instead of chilled champagne!

As I'm still halfway in a cheese-induced Christmas coma, why don't I do a picture-heavy post of some recent outfits and sightings about town, and you won't have to listen to me blather-on about things that would only be interesting if you were really, really, drunk-and maybe not even then.

OK, strangeness first, then clothes.

 Someone is having too much fun at work. I saw this in Iowa (of course).
 Just for the record, Band-Aids do NOT make a "Great Stocking Stuffer!" No, they do not. Geez. What's more, $1.99 is not a good sale price, whether festooned with Disney princess, or not. If Santa is leaving me wound-care for Christmas, he'd best be leaving something to self-medicate with as well.

Speaking of gifts to self-medicate...

Plants and floral arrangements are always welcome at the holidays, particularly when they have mini bottles of booze on them. Money might not grow on trees, but blended whisky does grow on plants, apparently.  
Nothing say, "Thinking of you" like a whisky plant! Nice cattails though.

I could use something...medicinal. I caught the same flu-ish thing the boys had earlier, but I have a much milder version of it. So far. 
"


This has been representative of my loafin' attire of late. Brushed flannel nightie, quilted nylon vintage robe, and I'm ready for the hard work of sitting on the sofa watching television.

Vintage 70's robe, made in Crown Colony of Hong Kong-Goodwill
Nightie by Vanity Fair-Can't remember, quite old
Fragrance for loafin' on the sofa-Jicky
On my footsies-hand-knit alpaca socks from the local wool co-op. Miles better than slippers.


Danny has claimed one of my more colourful 70's acrylic sweaters. Also suitable for wearing to do nothing. He's been doing plenty of that over this break.







































 I had mentioned liking this 1950's crewel work coat when I spotted it online. I didn't think the boys would go ahead and surprise me with it for Christmas. It is even prettier in person.

You'll likely see a lot of this jacket as I intend to wear it at every opportunity. It is just about the prettiest thing I've ever owned. 

The also bought me a book I'd tried requesting the library purchase. They claimed it was, "Of too narrow an interest" which I grumbled about to Mr. ETB. Little did I suspect he'd go the the V&A Website and buy it. We're not the sort of people that buy new books, so that was a splurge that really was a surprise.  London-Society-Fashion-1905-1925 The Wardrobe of Heather Firbank is not a book I'd have purchased for myself, so it was the perfect Christmas present. I'm enjoying it immensely. 

Danny was pleased with his gigantic bottle of Shalimar Souffle (A flanker that smells nothing like the namesake). It hasn't been a great seller, so I was concerned it might be discontinued. As he adores it (heavy on the vanilla/tonka bean) I bought him the 3 ounce size. That ought to keep him happy (and smelling nice) for a while. 

Mr. ETB had expressed an interest in a bottle of (I'm not kidding) Hai Karate. Mercifully, it was long-ago discontinued and there was no way on God's green earth I was forking over $75.00 for a half-full bottle of what was disgusting cologne in the 70's. I'll keep looking for a bottle for him, but hopefully, I won't find it. I bought him some nice pajamas instead (Thanks, Propagatrix for the Land's End suggestion for tall shirts. Turns out they do tall sized sleep wear as well). And the Clapper. And booze. In other words, a fine holiday was had by all. Santa left Danny some headphones too, which makes all of us very, very, happy. Very. 

Still, I'm kinda bummed no one bought me Band Aids. I hear they make great stocking stuffers. 

Outfit Particulars:
1950's wool crewel-work coat-1860-1960.com
Black polo neck-Target (I think)
Black Components maxi skirt-Filene's early 90's
Fragrance-Vintage Cabochard

Outfit Particulars:
Cashmere polo neck-Marshall Field's Country Shop, 1980's
1970's polyester skirt-Goodwill
Tencel hand-woven scarf-Fibre Arts Show
Coat-New Life Thrift
1950's Sarah Coventry crane brooch (on coat) Hand-Me-Ups
1960's enamel earrings-Hand-Me-Ups
Furry headband-K Mart
Orange stockings-Walgreen's
Boots-Goodwill
Vinyl 1970's handbag-Goodwill
Fragrance-Balencia

We did finally get the clapper working...but you really need to clap hard. That might just be more work than getting up to turn off the light. 

Stay safe in you're in the path of nature's wrath, and even if you're not. If I'm missing for a bit it means we lost power. 



Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas 2015

Merry Christmas to you and yours. I hope you have a lovely day.

We're trying to figure out how to get a Clapper to work. A smart kid and two over-educated adults and we can't get a Clapper to turn on a light. Apparently you need to time the claps just right. This is so embarrassing. We'll get it eventually (by New year's, perhaps?).

Santa brought me a bag of Canadian potato crisps. I have a terrible cold, but they were spicy enough to taste, so thanks, Canada (and Santa) for giving me something I can enjoy eating on Christmas.

They still can't get the Clapper working.

Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

White Christmas

We woke to this:
 ,,,and this
There are reports that Dodge Street (one street over from us) is completely blocked with over 100 cars stuck. They can't plough until they tow all the cars. There's thick ice beneath the snow. Merry Christmas! Mr. ETB is stuck at work (he left around 5 AM) but at least he didn't try driving. At the moment buses can't get through as roads are clogged with abandoned cars.

We live at the very top of a steep hill. Cars seem to do OK getting down it, but up is impossible. We've been seeing a steady stream of people walking through our complex trying to get to a bus-stop on foot, but most give up and return to their cars. The college is all but abandoned this time of year, so there isn't even a good place to wait it out. If this keeps going, I'm just going to invite people in for coffee. What the hell, it's Christmas.

I shot some video earlier:
video
I'm getting a bit nervous watching the snow build up on the power lines, but hopefully we won't be in the dark. This has been a strange storm-almost no wind, so it is falling straight down. At our house we have about 6 in already with no end in sight.

I wonder how many of those hundreds of accidents they're reporting were because some fool was trying to use a mobile whilst driving? Me? I drive with my fists clenched firmly around the steering wheel and 10 and 2 like a proper old lady. I'm really glad I don't need to be out in this. I watched my neighbour start to leave for work, then turn around and come back. When they say the roads are impassable-they mean it!

This is all Danny's fault! He was hoping for snow so he could use his snowshoes. Thanks a lot, kid!

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Tornadoes, in December?






































The Midwestern states are experiencing weather better suited to spring today. I think Mother Nature is on the naughty list because as I type, she's taking aim at Santa Claus, Indiana! I mean, I understand that some people loathe the holidays, but come on. You keep safe out there, Beth.

Iowa is having tornado watches-we haven't had any issued yet in Nebraska, but it has been strange here. Around midday, the rain turned to snow as the temperature appeared to be going up, before converting back to slush, and then rain. Obviously, I wasn't expecting any of that as I chose today to wear a white skirt. Duh. This was also the day I discovered my new boots aren't waterproof. What the hell? This is why I don't buy new things. I have boots that are over 40 years old that don't leak, but the ones I bought new this year can't take a couple inches of rain. I'm tempted to take them back-K Mart is good about returns for faulty items. Boots really ought to be sewn in such a way that they don't leak. Grrr.

We took a drive last evening to look at some of the holiday lights around town. We found one neighbourhood where everyone on the street participated and they turned it into a sort of North Pole wonderland. Because it was warm, families were able to get out and walk the area which is largely unheard of in Omaha come December. The lights were coordinated with music, which was a nice touch. Even my humbug of a husband had to admit he was impressed even if he declared it all, "A bit much, don't you think?" We saw bus tours stopping by to have a look as well.

I took Danny to the garden centre today to deliver a jar of jam to an employee he's formed a friendship with. Over the past couple of years she's spent so much time with him offering gardening advice, and discussing various insects and birds. She was taking the day off having her hair done, so we left it in the care of the office with a note thanking her for all her wonderful guidance through the year. Danny attended a canning seminar they offered last spring, so it was nice to be able to return with something interesting that he preserved (cherry/rosewater jelly). With that stop out of the way, we were done with everything that needed doing. Naturally, we took that as a sign that we should go out and buy cheese. You don't want to be caught short of cheese this time of year.

Seduced by the beautiful produce at Bag and Save, I loaded up on apples and citrus as well. I know everything is season-less these days, but getting oranges at Christmas in Chicago in the 60's and 70's was still a big deal. I remember one year my dad won a bag of grapefruit from Texas and it seemed so exotic that you could send them all the way to Chicago. Then again, I still consider fresh pineapple a treat although it is readily available year round from Costa Rica. I might have gone overboard buying oranges, but at least no one will be suffering scurvy in the new year.






































Outfit Particulars:
Da Rue skirt-Goodwill
Poloneck-Gordman's
Bangles-all over
Capelet and matching hat-Fibre Arts Show a couple years ago
Earrings-Big Lots
Brooch-K Mart
Leaky Boots- K Mart
Fragrance-Caron Belladogia (I like it better in cooler weather, but I still don't love it)
Lippy-Revlon Love That Red

Want to hear something stupid?
I went to snap the cap back on the canister of hairspray and it caught part of the flesh on my finger, clamping it shut. That would have been bad enough, but I then had to try and pry the lid off with my non-dominant hand and get it removed without tearing all the skin off my finger. I finally got it, and although I have a gigantic blister and bruise, it didn't break the skin. I binned the cap. At my age, I can't risk losing a finger to hairspray. You're probably wondering if I feel old and pathetic. Yes. Yes, I do.

If you're in the path of the crazy weather tonight, keep safe and check the batteries in the torch. I recently purchased a new weather radio, but I really didn't expect to be needing it at the end of December.



Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Get Out Yer Festive Fabrics


I knew there was a reason I bought this silk shirt-dress a few years ago-it is the perfect Christmas dress. Well, perfect when it is 50 degrees and sunny outside-I wouldn't want to wear it in typical December weather.
I remember hesitating because it really wasn't my style, but then quickly changing my mind when I noticed it was silk, and .99 cents. This would have been an expensive dress in the 80's. The belt was missing, but I'm sure if I looked hard enough I could find something that works, I'm staying in doing chores today, so I doubt anyone would notice a missing belt beneath my apron.

 Outfit Particulars:
1980's silk dress-Goodwill
Cardigan-Goodwill
Christmas brooch-Hand-Me-Ups
Fragrance-Dana Forbidden (I can see why it was discontinued...*gasps*)
Blondin the squirrel feasted on a slice of stollen this morning. Fifteen minutes later, he was back at the sliding glass door, nose pressed against it, standing on hind legs peering inside. I can't say I blame him. For the record-there's nothing cuter than a squirrel's nose dusted with icing sugar. I wonder if he knows how good he has it compared to other rats squirrels?

I don't know why I'm carrying around the Christmas tree like something out of the Christmas Truce. I guess I was taking pictures a few days before Christmas and it seemed appropriate.

 I made an effort this year to wear some of the more elaborate pieces in my wardrobe, and this beaded top is one that I'd had packed away waiting for an occasion. I could die waiting for that, so out it came, and here it is! I teamed it with a polyester maxi skirt to save it from looking too formal (not that I have issues with evening wear in the daytime). It is a fun piece, and I'm only sorry I waited so long to wear it.
Outfit Particulars:
1970's Pikettes polyester maxi-skirt-Thrift World
1990's beaded top-Goodwill
Vintage velvet jacket-Hand-Me-Ups
Snowflake clip earrings-K Mart
Fragrance-Lentheric Dark Brilliance

On Sunday, we stopped at the hospital where Danny was born to take photos in the lobby (I instructed him to cry like a newborn, and he happily did so). The receptionist admitted we were not the first people to think of doing that, and on average she sees one or two families a week making the pilgrimage to the lobby for photos. The hospital no longer handles maternity (there's a new hospital devoted to deliveries down the road a few miles) which is probably for the best. I love Danny, but I had the worst experience with this hospital and the delivery. I wouldn't ever want to go through that again-there's a reason he's an only child. Good thing we like him.

I wore these crushed-velvet palazzo pants through the final months of my pregnancy as they have a stretch waist. I was a real vision around the last few weeks before delivery.

Outfit Particulars:
Velvet Palazzo pants by Tapemeasure-Bloomingdale's early 90's
Liz Claiborne velvet jacket-Hand-Me-Ups
Beaded silk waistcoat-Goodwill
Gap ruffled poet's blouse-Goodwill
Handbag-New Life Thrift
Wreath Earrings-Big Lots
Fragrance-Maroussa



Today has been spent finishing up end of the year paperwork for school (lesson plans, attendance sheets, that sort of thing). I'm making puff-paste for the mushroom Wellingtons, and it is such a nice, relaxing task. I take things slowly, spacing my "turns" at thirty minutes, and it hardly feels like a chore at all. Danny is watching a Christmas movie (Polar Express, I think) and I have the holiday music on. I suggested to Danny it might be fun to drive over to the mall and watch the chaos as disinterested parties. He thinks that would be mean...I think it would be satisfying. 

Perhaps I ought to drag the kid out for a walk. I suspect we don't have too many nice days like this left. 


Saturday, December 19, 2015

Bugger Off, I'm Full-a Sneak Peek at Danny's Mr Creosote Birthday Cake

 What can I say? Did I think my kid's favourite movie would end up being The Meaning of Life? Well, no-but I much prefer it to Star Wars!

I made the rolled-out tablecloth and food from butter and icing sugar rolled out like fondant. Creosote's head is a ball of cake scraps held together with jam and then coated with white chocolate. His tux is regular buttercream frosting. The vomit is wholemeal breadcrumbs and buttercream. I knew there was a reason I religiously save and dry the heels of bread-they come in handy! 

Here's a short video (and as a bonus you can laugh at my accent)


video
I've baked some strange cakes over the years, but this was an achievement. I'll have to stick a candle in it tomorrow, The Meaning of Life quilt is coming along, and should be done in a month or so (Danny rarely gets his Birthday quilt on his Birthday). I completed the gingerbread house as well (and it is still standing) so as far as I'm concerned, the baking is done. I need to give the pudding a final steam on Christmas, but that's it for me!

Look what arrived in today's post!
Thank you, Sue! Danny's excited to have a New Zealand stamp as well.

 It is still unseasonably warm, so I decided to get another wear out of my raincoat and matching skirt before it gets too cold.
 I also let my hair go wild because...oh hell, do I need an excuse?

I don't need an excuse...and neither do you. 





Friday, December 18, 2015

Time's Running Out


 Oh dear, only one week left to wear all the velvet.





































I'm not sure that rule about, "No velvet after Christmas" still applies, but we've had such a mild start to winter I might not get to wear much until possibly February.

We delivered the cookies to Ak-Sar-Ben aquarium, and they were a hit. We were also able to say goodbye to an employee who was having her last day today. She was thinking she hadn't seen us for a while, so it was fun that we showed-up just in time. It was a cold, but beautifully sunny day and the state park was absolutely gleaming. I love this time of year, and not having to navigate a foot of snow is a bonus I don't take for granted.

Frosty the Snowman is on TV tonight, and then they having something called, Frosty Returns on after. I'm not familiar with the sequel, but I suppose we can give it a watch. I stopped at Big Lots for coffee and came home with several bottles of juice and fizzy water to make non-alcoholic cocktails for Danny's party. because they're basically an overstock store, you see some very strange types of food and drink. Blueberry seltzer water doesn't sound terrible, but it doesn't sound good either. It was all inexpensive enough that I won't feel bad if it gets wasted.

I noticed Big Lots is already condensing their Christmas department and that the spring/summer items are taking their place. It seems a bit early to be setting up a garden centre, but there's something about seeing pottery and patio furniture in December that gives you a bit of hope. I'm going to need new seat covers for my patio chairs as a certain squirrel (I'm not naming anyone) has been using them as a bed/toilet. So much for not shitting where you sleep.


Outfit Particulars:
1980's satin blouse-Goodwill
1970's Act III velvet jacket (it has a matching skirt that is too long for my tastes)-Goodwill
1980's Susan Bristol velvet skirt-Hand-Me-Ups
Vintage Shiny-Brite Christmas corsage-Thrift World
Vintage crystal clip earrings-Hand-Me-Ups
Belt-Shop-Ko
Boots-K Mart
Vintage flexible band bracelet-Thrift World
Fragrance-Courreges in Blue
Lippy-Cherries in the Snow
Vintage suede hat-Hand-Me-Ups

There's a teenager a few doors down revving the engine of his sport-scar (he's been doing it for several minutes now).  It is taking every bit of control I possess to keep from opening the door and yelling, "Yeeeeeah man, Niiiiiiiiiice!" I mean, obviously he wants someone to notice-why else would you sit there doing that? The male teenage brain-I'm bracing myself for that in a few years.

The library finally came through with the first season of Peaky Blinders (we reserved it months ago) so I guess I know what I'm watching over the winter break.

Anyone have exciting plans?




Thursday, December 17, 2015

Too Disco



My first attempt at getting dressed this morning had this skirt paired with a slinky wrap top held together at the waist with a gigantic rhinestone buckle.
"That's too disco for the library" I was informed. Sadly, I knew that was correct, so I went with a long velvet top instead. Is it my fault that there aren't any discos left in Omaha? The Halston just wants to thrive in a proper environment, but all I can offer is the Friends of the Library book sale in the basement of the Swanson branch.
 I brought the calories cookies.

 The meringue powder I previously used has gone out of production, so I used fresh, pasturised egg whites instead. I have to admit, the colour, texture, and taste is much better. Price-wise, it isn't that different, but the whites don't have the same shelf-life and can't be used for meringues or anything requiring whipping. I'll freeze what's left and use it for baking, but I'm very pleased with the results.
The fish-shaped cookies for the state park are done, and I'll drop them by tomorrow. I was happy with how well the templates I made worked for cutting them out, and I only had a couple break in the baking. With so many fins, it just seemed like there would be more to get broken. The food colouring felt-tip pens make fine details a snap.
 "It is pronounced, croppy. I don't deserve this abuse."
 I couldn't find a bait box I liked, so I made one out of a candy box and some twine. It is filled with gummy worm candy.
 And there's the finished presentation. I sure hope they like it-I had fun making them.
Almost as much fun as wearing gold lame Halston to the library.
Outfit Particulars:
Velvet top-bought it new, early 90's at Jordan Marsh
Vintage necklaces-both Hand-Me-Ups
Earrings-K Mart
Boots-K Mart
Vintage handbag-Goodwill (?)
Lippy-Revlon 5th Avenue Red
Fragrance-Alfred Sung (meh) I know, I should have worn Halston, but that was too obvious.
Not shown-a motorcycle jacket because it was freezing outside this morning.

I stuck my vintage angel pin on the jacket because I like the absurdity of a sparkly brooch with a biker jacket.
Can I tell you what this kid did? We were listening to the Christmas station on the radio (they play all Christmas music from Thanksgiving until New year's) when some country/western version of Silent Night came on. Danny stops, looks at me, and in his very best Larry the Cable Guy impersonation yells, "Hee Haw, Santa's bringin' me a tax cut for Christmas!"

He really did.

Sometimes I forget that he's from here, and "gets" the local ideological landscape in ways I never could. It was hilarious, but it wouldn't have been funny if someone from New York said it. That was enough of the radio for me, so I did something I might regret by the time Christmas is over-I brought out my copy of Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas. I remember my mother buying it for me along with that other Chipmunks classic, Chipmunks A Go-Go.  I still have that one too. I don't think I'm overstating it to say he was completely stunned by it. Since he enjoyed that so much, I'll have to dig out my Snoopy and the Red Baron record as well. I knew there was a reason I've been dragging my record collection around all these years-eventually someone would appreciate my taste in music. Don't you worry-there's still a place for the Andy Williams Christmas record as well. I just can't take the top-40 Christmas music they play on the radio, though I did come up with some novel new lyrics for Last Christmas, after hearing it for the millionth time. Danny thinks it sounds too hostile. Obviously, he's never been dumped at Christmas.

On the way back from the library, a warning light came on in the car indicating I had low air pressure. I looked them over and couldn't see anything (and I didn't have a gauge with me) so I stopped at the garage up the street to see what they thought. The loveliest man, tattooed top-to-bottom and looking otherwise terrifying but with the sweetest demeanor of anyone I've run across in Nebraska, checked it out and determined that the cold had sapped them of air-not much, but the computer reads it across four wheels so if the overall weight is over five pounds, the warning light comes on. That's the new technology. He went ahead and over-inflated them slightly because it will be cold for the next few days, and that ought to take care of it. It was very nice of him, it didn't cost me a cent, and there's a lesson there about not judging a book by the cover. I can't imagine what he must have thought of me in a gold lame skirt and motorcycle jacket!

We've postponed Danny's hotel stay until after New Years because he's just too sick to be having a pool party away from home, and Mr. ETB is still sick as well. We'll still have a cake and party at home, but we'll take our weekend away once everyone is feeling better. To be honest, it reduces my stress right before Christmas and New Years, and I will appreciate the time off more the first week of January.

I don't know what I'm getting for Christmas, but I bought Mr. ETB a bottle of Drambuie, which was a lot more expensive than I remember it being (though I haven't bought a bottle in over 25 years, to be fair) and I also bought him a clapper. You can't say I'm not thoughtful. I'm envisioning getting drunk and clapping lights on and off all Christmas day. That's how you have middle-aged fun.

Let's disco with Ethel