Pants

Everyone? Please grab a seat, we need to have a natter about pants.

Typically, age affords a person perspective on these matters, but sadly that knowledge is being disregarded. I'll be frank (you can be whomever you wish), you should not, under any circumstances wear harem pants if you are old enough to have worn them in the 80's. I'm sorry, you needed to hear that.

At 5'2" I was never tempted to wear them the first time around, and was thus spared. Perhaps you were not as fortunate, and somewhere deep in the cupboard rest an expensive pair of day-glo, splatter-print pants visited only by the dust and spiders that inhabit the just-beyond-arm's-reach spot designated for purchases best forgotten. If you really lean-in you can...almost...reach...you can see a pant leg...yeah, don't. Shove them back in behind the embellished sweater, and forget them.

I should note, some people are describing harem pants as "parachute" pants, which is completely wrong. Yes, they billow like a parachute, but true parachute pants were an earlier 80's abomination and were made from a heavy nylon material. They were worn skin tight, and had numerous zippered pockets across the legs. The zippers were a merely decorative effect as the pants were so tight one couldn't manage to fit a subway pass into them. Those have not come back in fashion, but should they turn up, the same rules apply as with harem pants. I once went on a blind date with a fellow that showed up wearing white parachute pants. I'll just toss that out there for you to mull over, and try to imagine my reaction.

Right, glad we got that sorted. You'll thank me for this.