Funny, I Just Call it, "Making a Cup of Coffee"

The morning newspaper tells me that people who measure their coffee, grind their own beans, and then put it through a pot like a French press are, "Home Brewists." Yes, of course they are, because they're Home Brewing, not just pouring boiling water over grounds like some sort of uncultured vulgarian.

http://www.omaha.com/article/20140423/GO/140429600/1181#the-increasingly-popular-art-of-hand-brew-coffee

Oh dear. If people are that obsessive in other aspects of their lives we encourage them to seek therapy, here we're just...encouraging them. Just as well, if the state began sectioning people for being douchebags our taxes would skyrocket to pay for it...because there are a whole hell of a lot of douchebags at large.

Was that a rant? Oh my, I think it was.

I believe there is a right way (mine) and a wrong way (everyone else's) to do things, and I don't doubt that some coffee tastes better when given a bit more attention than being tossed in a pot with some boiling water-but so what? Should you warm a teapot before making a pot of tea? Yes, you should, but hot water tossed over a teabag will do for most purposes. Must everything be an exercise in perfection? I bake bread, but I have never weighed my ingredients, used hydration percentages, or taken the temperature of my sourdough starter. I bake bread, I don't turn my kitchen into a food science lab-and I certainly don't get all pretentious about what others do in their kitchens.

Yes, this is definitely a rant-stick with me people, just a bit longer.

I just love the assumption that because I don't go to the absurd lengths others do with respect to coffee, tea, bread or whatever else people are obsessed with at the moment-that I'm ignorant. Oh, I would just fall all over my coffee press if I could just taste coffee made, "properly." I don't think so. I've lived through percolators in the 60's, cold drip coffee makers in the 70's, Melita cups in the 80's, French presses in the 90's, and have come full circle to a pint jar of water and 1/3 cup ground coffee left to soak overnight. I strain it into a pot in the morning. Classy, eh? I like it, but I wouldn't turn my nose up at a cup of instant if someone offered it because (take note douchebags, this part is important) someone is offering you a cup of coffee (or anything else). You know, hospitality. Your role in this (again, pay attention here) isn't to go into a detailed description of how you prepare yours. Your part isn't to question the source of beans. Your part is to act like a normal human being for a few minutes, and graciously accept what is being offered. 

Hang in there kids, I'm almost through.

Home brewing is already taken by the beer people, and frankly they've had the phrase so long I think it only right we let them retain the rights to it. What you are doing, is making coffee. A person making coffee at home is not called a brewist, they are called, a person making coffee.

Janice? Are you here hon? I'm going to need your help shouting...

GET THE HELL OFF OF MY LAWN! You damn home-brewing brewist kids with your French presses and funny electronic cigarettes.