Salsify and Rhubarb-Not Together

We’ve all heard the advice to avoid grocery shopping when hungry as it leads to all manner of highly caloric impulse purchases. I’d like to add that shopping whilst fighting Methotrexate-induced nausea and general illness leads to equally strange, albeit not necessarily fattening impulse buys. I came home with salsify, shallots and rhubarb. I would have added a bottle of kirsch to the mix, but was too exhausted to push the grocery carriage another 20 yards to the liquor department.

I decided to live dangerously and bought a wedge of Camembert. Unpasteruised soft cheese is always a bit of a gamble but with the immune-suppressing medications I’m taking it is outright stupid (“stooopid!”) and I’m going to eat it anyway. And I’m not sharing. I mean, how many people really get listeria anyway? I eat crème fraiche that I leave sitting out on my counter to ferment-do you really think French cheese frightens me? When I’m feeling particularly death-wish-ish, I soft boil an egg. Mmm, mouldy rinds. Just wait until my cheesemaking adventure starts bearing results-oh you go ahead and laugh, but in nine months when I’m through scraping cheese maggots off a wheel of perfectly aged cheese, we’ll see who’s knocking at my farmhouse door wanting a taste of the “scary cheese.” Until then, I have to buy cheeses at Hy-Vee. I was kidding about the cheese maggots…everyone knows you don’t scrape them off…

I had insisted before leaving the house that I was only going to purchase basics, and that I was not going to cook/bake/housekeep in general this week as I’m not feeling my moxie at the moment. Right. I’m still a bit conflicted over whether to use the rhubarb in ices or custards. I haven’t a clue what to do with salsify, but that’s where having a vast cookbook collection comes in handy. The root is supposed to taste like oysters, though having never eaten oysters I’m sort of in the dark. I’m imagining a briny taste, like one gets from dulse. I’m sure if I drown it in béchamel sauce it will hardly matter at all.

Did I mention that for the second time in three years my spouse has forgotten Mother’s Day? Funny, I remembered to send HIS mother a card-a handmade card, mind you. As I’m far too mature to sulk(not really), I’m going to insist he assist Danny in preparing me a cup of Folgers Instant Coffee (you know, the stuff with the oh-so-pretty “crystals”) with two perfectly rounded teaspoons of sugar and enough powdered coffee “creamer” to make it light, and bringing it to me in bed. And toast. I want toast with some of the new sour cherry preserves we bought at the Mediterranean import store. I can’t believe he blew-off Mother’s Day…again. After 18 years of trying to get pregnant, Mother’s Day is sort of a big deal to me. Not the gift-I hate the idea of requisite gifts, but gee whiz, he could have helped our son make me a card. I’m being silly, I know, disappointment stinks. If I could drag my behind back out, I’d go buy myself a corsage.

I did not cook dinner this evening, save for Danny’s meal. I think my husband ate a tomato and cheese sandwich and I had a bowl of dry cereal (store brand Cheerio’s rip-offs). Danny had mashed potatoes with chilli beans, green beans with olive oil, spices and a bit of cheese. Plain yoghurt and a glass of milk rounded out the meal that he positively wolfed down-unusual for him. Kicking a ball around the yard for an hour really works up an appetite.

Here’s a last thought this evening:

If you were organising a grocery store (a fairly new store, I might add) where would you stock bread crumbs? I’ll give you an insight to the organisation of this store-the saltines are not in the cracker aisle, but rather next to the soup. Had anyone asked me, I’d have suggested placing bread crumbs in the bread aisle-kind of obvious, but consistent with most stores. I would not, have thought to place it on the bottom shelf next to cooking oil. What’s more, having the store manager feign shock that I was unable to guess that breadcrumbs would be stocked alongside cooking oil, and subsequently ask for assistance locating said breadcrumbs was not a nice touch. Why are people such arrogant, condescending dickheads? I can imagine how he treats his employees.

Hopefully, I’ll have salsify recipes and photos tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a Happy Mother’s Day. Don’t be a schmuck-remember to buy/make a card.