Wednesday, March 03, 2010

I Take All My Parenting Guidance From Yahoo Articles

Funny, I thought, "solid science" meant something you could test and reproduce, preferably in a lab. I must have been out reading a book or something when everyone decided it meant relying on fake science, and spouting platitudes. Hey, let's play a game-what's wrong with this sentence:

"Carter grounds her path to happiness in solid science, including behavioral psychology"

Really, it just gets worse from there, but go ahead and click on the link if you can't resist-I did after all. I swear, all I did was go to Yahoo with the intention of checking mail and the next thing I know, I'm sucked into the stupid vortex. I can't help myself, though god knows, I don't need constant reassurance that we're already doomed. Redundant, I know-yet still weirdly satisfying.

In a similar vein:

I bought a bag of jelly beans without examining the package too well. Did you know jelly beans can be a healthy alternative to candy? Well guess what kids, they fortified them with vitamins and real fruit juice. No, I'm not making this up. What's more, they're trans fat free. Because they're bloody jelly beans, you moron. If you don't want vitamins in your jelly candy you're probably a dirty filthy commie. I'll bet you want the government to hand out vitamin tablets and health care free of charge when you could just go out and buy a bag of candy. You know what I say? I say, "Where's your sense of personal responsibility? Do you want the government to wipe your poopy communist butt after you eat a whole bag of vitamin C enriched jelly candy too? I'll bet you do. I'll just bet you do."

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