Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Follow The Asphalt Road, Follow The Asphalt Road...

I spotted this poor girl weeping about needing to get back to Kansas.
"I'm headed to Kansas, which way are you going?"
"Really? No one goes to Salina."
"People from Salina do."
"Well I guess we could get you there, but my kid is awfully allergic to dogs so your friend here needs to stay in the basket."
"Deal! The last fucker I asked for help stuck us in a hot air balloon. We crashed in a field of poppies. And there were all these trees, and flying monkeys, and a witch..."
"Just what kind of wacky tobaccy you smoke down there in Salina, child?"
"Nothin;. Hey, nice shoes. who'd you have to kill to get those?!"

I couldn't quite bring myself to pack my blue gingham pinafore dress, but I did the next best thing and will be wearing my Minnie Pearl getup complete with crazy hat and calico dress. We won't be swinging by the fair until the last leg of the ride back into Nebraska, so we still don't know the results. The fair runs through 7 August, but the results for competitions are just being posted in batches today. I refuse to travel with a laptop-even for such a short trip- I guess we'll find out when we get there. Then, classes officially start on Tuesday. I'm not going to think about that tonight. Tonight I'm thinking about whether it is worth the effort to paint all my toenails-even the ones that don't show in my sandals. Such are my first world problems.

I bought this portable DVD player for Danny to use for the ride, and it was only too late that I realised I should have bought a copy of The Day After to watch as we drive through Kansas. Oh sure, he's seen it, but he hasn't seen it driving through Kansas. Maybe next trip. I'm just never going to get that Mother of the Year award.

I presented our neighbour with four gigantic pattypan squash last evening, and a basket full of various herbs. I consider that a sort of peace offering as Danny will be starting piano lessons. I should have included earplugs. She claims not to hear us. The pattypans are taking over. I did the sensible thing and grated the largest one into a quick bread much like people do with marrows. Danny said it was delicious. which is a good thing as I see many more in our future. I suspect by week's end, we will be overrun again.

OK, I've got to go calm Dorothy, and that mutt of hers. See you all at week's end. Have a good one!


Bibi said...

One year I was Minnie Pearl for Halloween. I wore a red gingham square dance dress I'd thrifted, a straw hat I'd hot glued random flowers on (complete with dangling price tag), & white socks with Doc Martens Mary Janes. Despite working in one of the busiest retail pharmacies in Sonoma - only about 5 people recognized whom I was supposed to be. I guess not everyone grew up watching Hee Haw on Sunday evenings (right after Lawrence Welk) or listening to the Grand Ol' Opry on the King Biscuit Flour Hour?
We've only managed to get 2 pumpkins to set on the vine this summer. Our maid decided to pick the biggest of the 2 pumpkins yesterday- even though it was still green and certainly wasn't her pumpkin. (Now this was going to be my youngest son's 'prize' pumpkin for the Fall harvest festival.) When I asked the maid why she picked & BUTCHERED my son's prize pumpkin she replied, "Because I wanted to eat pumpkin." I do not think more tears & anguish have ever been expressed over a pumpkin-napping & it's subsequent dismemberment. The remaining pumpkin is now wearing a note enclosed in a ziploc bag stating "DO NOT TOUCH UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH" in Hindi, English, Urdu, & Tibetan.

Sue said...

I cannot wait to hear the results, and I am convinced there will be some ribbon winning for Danny. Mother of the year is so over rated anyway, who even remembers if you make it to the finals or not. I thought I might get wife of the year today as I vacuumed the house and washed the linos. Will keep you posted. Wakcy Tobacky indeed, good old Dotty in her gingham and glitter. I bake cakes for work in advance for mistakes I may make, works for me, how can they get mad at a cake bearing mistake maker?

Radostin said...

Your SKIRT! Much better than her shoes...

Goody said...

Thank you-it is a maxi-dress. Originally, it was black and white, but I washed it with a red blouse accidentally and well-I think I prefer the pink. Funny how that happens.