Not That Kind Of Vintage

Last month, I stopped into the library in Wahoo, Nebraska shortly after an eye exam. They have an on-going book sale there that often includes old cooking pamphlets and magazines. Inability to read wasn't enough to put me off buying booklets I'd likely never use.

I managed to select some good ones that day, impaired as I was. I've already put a Pillsbury Butter Cookie collection pamphlet to good use as well as the Betty Crocker Plain and Fancy Yeast Breads. Others, well...(trying to think of something nice to say without resorting to the obvious joke of Amy Vanderbilt leaped to her death after being served a plate of shad roe stuffed artichokes) weren't. In fact, some of the booklets were downright creepy. 250 Ways To Prepare Meat, might sound as though it has potential, but let me assure you, it does not. Jellied ham loaf or hashed meat in cabbage leaves probably won't be finding their way to my table anytime soon. Brazil nut jellied veal loaf sounds appetising, don't you think? Wait, I almost forgot the Brain Rissoles!*

So OK, you win some, you lose some. For every Chockolbrod butter cookie, you get a dubious recipe for something called "Canadian Cheese Soup", that calls for a stick of butter, 3 cups of shredded American cheese (well, Canadians are North Americans, so I guess they can use it in a Canadian soup) and a cup of chicken stock. Oh, there's a token carrot and some milk, but good heavens, everyone knows that any cheese soup the Canadians would be willing to lay claim to would probably have cheddar and beer. I'm not going to gross you out further by detailing the tuna and cottage cheese loaf-I think you get the idea.

I suppose the last couple of paragraphs might lead readers to peg me as a food snob. Really, I'm not. Furthermore, unless it contains something I'm allergic to, I make a point of eating food people prepare for me-it's only a meal and really it won't kill you (unless you're allergic) to be polite and gracious as you endure the green bean casserole-which really isn't that awful. I remember being quite ill when I was in college with something or the other and my boyfriend decided he'd make dinner. I can't remember the main course but the meal included one of those packets of flavoured rice with dehydrated cheese. It was delicious. Complete and utter garbage-but delicious.

I also pride myself on being somewhat of an adventurous eater. Relax-I'm not going to go into anthropologist mode and start detailing all the odd things I've eaten (you can read THIS guy's blog for that). The point I'm getting to (ah God, but she does tell long stories, eh?) is that it has to be really frightening to keep me from trying most foods. I mean, it ought to at least sound like it would taste good-so silkworm pupas probably won't be showing up at dinner anytime soon-but within reason, I'm adventurous.

Apparently, in 1974, Red Star Yeast came up with the idea to prepare fruit in their yeast to make a sauce. OK, so I was with them on the idea-I can completely see where that might be interesting. I bought the booklet for "Vintage" fruit sauce thinking it referred to an old-time recipe. Uh, actually it referres to fermented fruit with "vintage" being used in the same sense as wine.Wait, it gets worse.

You're supposed to ferment tinned fruit (like peaches) in the heavy syrup in which they came packed with yeast, sugar, pineapples and maraschino cherries. You stick it in a loose lidded jar and stir it several times the first day, then once a day for two weeks after. OK, at this point I was reading along going "Ick, maybe it gets better with cooking." Except, it never gets cooked. No friends, the starter is then used to make the sauce which calls for more of the same with the starter fruit mixed in. Then, you keep stirring. No cooking, no refrigeration-just good old bacteria that they say can keep for many months if you keep adding fruit and sugar each week. And to think I was worried about canning uncooked mincemeat!

I hear it is delicious with brain rissoles.

*I don't have a problem with eating brains, or any other organ meat, it was just the presentation that struck me as amusing.

**Recipe available upon request, though I make no claims as to the safety of eating it.