Saturday, August 08, 2015

On the Divinity of Green Goddess

Let us now praise the Green Goddess.

After searching my way through several supermarkets across two states, I finally located a bottle of Green Goddess salad dressing in Iowa. I always thought Nebraska was the place where the 70's went to die, but couldn't quite, yet it was the land of swine and roses that came to the rescue. Sure, I could make my own, but who wants to stand and snip chives and mash anchovies? I was only able to locate one brand, made by Kraft. It is considerably less green than I remember the stuff.

Green Goddess salad dressing was quite popular in the 60's and 70's and then slipped away when the fad for unnaturally fluorescent food waned. The vibrant red sauce on a prawn/shrimp cocktail, the strange almost phosphorescent glow of lemon Jell-O, Green River soda pop-it was all so gloriously fake. Who wouldn't want to dump Green Goddess all over their salad? Communists. That's who. That's why Russian Dressing was re-named, Western Dressing in the Midwest. You knew where someone stood by whether they ordered Western or Russian dressing.*

Should you be unable to get to Iowa for a bottle of your own, it might seem reasonable to go looking for a recipe on the internet. Don't do that. A quick Google search revealed all manner of heresies against the Goddess the worst involving the addition of mashed avocado. Green Goddess dressing should have tarragon (or tarragon vinegar if you can't find fresh herbs) parsley, chives, black pepper, sour cream, and salad cream or mayo. It also requires anchovies. Green food colouring is not optional. Sure, you can omit it, but then it is tarragon/chive dressing, not Green Goddess. The Goddess demands appropriate worship.

1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sour cream
3 tablespoons tarragon vinegar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/3 cup finely chopped parsley
3 tablespoons grated onion
1 tablespoon chopped chives
1 clove garlic, crushed
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
Green food colouring
Blend together. Chill several hours before using.

No avocado! And for fuck's sake, no basil either, this isn't a pesto. 
This is the proper presentation of a green goddess salad. Yes, it has to be iceberg, and yes it must be in a wedge. Don't be an asshole and use rocket or deer's tongue or whatever lettuce is popular on food blogs this week. And no, it isn't my photo-I would have used more dressing, and gone for veggie bacon bits.

OK, now that the salad is sorted...
 We had to hike our way down a dirt road into the wilds of Council Bluffs on our quest for the Goddess.
 Huh? What's this bench doing in the middle of a field? Oh well, I guess they won't mind if we rest a bit. Gosh, Iowa sure is a friendly place!

Hey, that's not a field, that's the photo-op at the Union Pacific Railroad Museum! Well, you didn't expect me to go all the way across the bridge to Iowa and not stop for a few turns at the train simulator, did you? And yes, we stopped at the thrift store in the Dairy Queen is a thrift store in a Dairy Queen.

Outfit Particulars:
Ann Taylor sailor trousers-Goodwill (I somehow managed to avoid showing the button sides in dozens of photos. Trust me, they're there and look as stupid as they sound).
Shoes-K Mart
Linen blouse-K Mart
Necklace-K Mart
Earrings-Yard sale
Bangles-all over
Handbag-Can't remember
Fragrance-1000 Jean Patou

 A rare case of the trousers looking better from behind (not MY behind, it never looks good). The fit is OK, but I find myself wishing the legs were wider. Good for a day of mucking about in poor weather, I guess. Plus, I had to trudge through all those muddy fields to reach the goddess.

We also stopped at the K Mart for the back-to-school tax-holiday sale. Danny scored two new pair of "gym shoes" (that's "sneakers" or "trainers" to people that didn't grow up in mid-century Chicago) on a buy one, get one for a dollar sale.

* There's a long history of re-naming foods to reflect the status of other countries with the U.S.  from "Victory/Liberty Cabbage" to "Salisbury Steak", to "Freedom Fries."  

I hope the weekend is finding you in fine spirits. I plan on spending the weekend in fine spirits-mostly gin. 
And some tonic. 


Connie said...

I'm having a little trouble with the Green Goddess addition of food coloring. Though the rest of it sounds good. Sorry. But a thrift store in a Dairy Queen? Now there's something I can totally go for. That just sounds amazing!

Bibi said...

Don't you want to serve that Green Goddess salad with Chicken Divan, Beef Stroganoff or Duck L'Orange? Perhaps a Harvey Wallbanger or Screwdriver, glass of Blue Nun, or Vermouth with a twist of lemon to start? And of course some sickly sweet dairy cocktail for dessert- a Grasshopper, Brandy Alexander, or White Russian anyone?
I miss salads. Eating any vegetation- green & leafy or unpeeled- in the 3rd world is like Russian Roulette. Everything here must autoclaved in the Fearsome Indian Pressure cooker.

Helga said...

Ah, I always thought Green Goddess dressing was some 90's hippie revivalist thing! Thank you for sorting that out for me, darl! Not too sure I'll be trying it, however.....!!! Mind you, it would be nicely matchy matchy to G's current 'stache status!
You look quite the spunk in pants! I always look like a dwarf extra from LOTR in pants, therefore I do not wear the bastards.

Goody said...

In a perfect world, *every* Dairy Queen would have a thrift shop. I love Iowa, I really do.

I'll take a screwdriver...I need my vitamin C.

Let me know if you want me to post you a bottle (I'm serious)for a bit of the "American bad food experience." Trousers are evil, no one should wear them and I have no idea what overtook my senses causing me to purchase them.

ThriftyParka said...

Sounds delicious!! I'm all for flourescent food coloring. And you're tushie looks FAB in those pants.

Back to school shopping, bleah! I recently forked out $120 for new Birkenstocks for the youngest female child (aka, my stylist). Now she is coveting a pair of sequined, Union Jack, Converse hi-top sneakers....perhaps I can borrow them as I march towards the poor house ;)

Thrifting in a Dairy Queen! That is my idea of of HEAVEN! I hope you do a picture heavy post of that!

happy thrifting!

Mim said...

Anchovies. No. Just no. As for green anchovies, double no! I think you chaps have rather more in the way of salad dressings in the US; we have vinaigrette, salad cream, mayonnaise and, if you're a bit weird, thousand island. That's your lot! Ranch dressing always sounds really exotic and intriguing.

No cachumber?!

Goody said...

@Thrifty Parka
That is a lot of dough for hippie shoes! You're a better mother than I-I'd still be laughing if my kid wanted $120. shoes. It is hard though, they want the same things as their friends and nothing you say can dissuade them.

Our crimes against salads in the US are many. My mother once caught me using the expensive Stilton to make a sort-of "Bleu Cheese Dressing" and came, *this close* to killing me. Not because it was expensive, but because it was gauche!