Things You Learn in a Department Store

I finally got around to ordering Danny a full-sized mattress and box spring today (yeah, I did buy it from the place down the street, I mean, I sort of had to, ya know?) so we went into town (well, West Omaha) to Dillards looking for good sheets. I'm not going to throw money away on inexpensive sheets that fall apart in a year (if that) and pop off the mattress. No, I have sheets in my possession that my in-laws purchased in 1960-and they are still like new. I still have pillowcases I had as a child (yes, I still have my Peter Max printed sheets). I know we live in a disposable society now, but I only intend to purchase two sets, one of which will be flannel-I want them to be of decent quality.

Well, forget getting that at a department store. Plenty of duvet covers, shams and the like, but apparently people only care about how a bed appears when made, and buy the sheets at a discounter. Man, I had to drive into a mall. I hate going to the mall. To make it worth the effort we strolled through them men's department where I found Danny the hat in the previous post. Stetson. 100% wool. I really hope it lasts. Anyway, whilst making our way through the men's furnishings we spied the most fantastic (in both senses of the word) thing-Spanx for men. OK, I can wait as you sit and absorb that for a moment.

Sadly, they don't call them Manx, but then what the hell have the Manx done to deserve being confused with a men's girdle...er...foundation? They sell an undershirt to keep the man-boobs in place as well. Danny was suitably horrified, though he seemed equally horrified that men would want to wear ultra fine gauge sweaters that would necessitate a slimming undershirt to begin with. Anyone with a bit of sense would just wear a vest and a sportcoat-you don't need a corset for that.

We also discovered you can purchase denims that are not only pre-faded (they've had that for years) but artfully detailed to look like they have faded just-so, in bend lines at and behind the knee. I mean, they didn't overlook any detail right down to the fraying hemlines. Oh, they cost $150.00 U.S. Hey, don't fucking look at me, I don't wear them. My denim comes from the children's department at Shop-Ko, and cost around ten bucks. I save my money for good bedding-if only I can find some.

Ditch the corset, buy a sportcoat!