Saturday, November 22, 2008

I Am Not A Size Six

I almost never wear dungarees, or trousers for that matter-they simply do not suit my figure. For some strange reason (probably the cold) I decided to wear an old pair today, and while they fit, I'm afraid they are about fifteen years out of date. Why this would bother me, I don't really know as none of my other clothing is contemporary, but with dungarees it seems a bit more obvious.

I needed other items at Shop-Ko (I love that I can purchase flashlights and batteries in the same place as clothing and automotive supplies), so I wandered over to the clothing department to look at what they had in denim. First, let me point out that those dungarees that claim to be "instantly slimming" are not. It's a lie. A bloody lie. Lie, lie, lie. Not a bit of truth. They have some sort of built-in girdle which is horrible enough, but they are also sized in such a way that you end up buying them in a much smaller size than one actually wears. I am 5'2" and I weigh 135 pounds. I am most certainly not a size six. My left leg alone isn't a size six.

In the real world, I wear a ten or a twelve, sometimes a fourteen in a dress because I'm top-heavy, but never a six. I didn't wear a size six after a life-threatening bout of amoebic dysentery (which if you're ever looking to lose a large percentage of your body weight in a hurry, I highly recommend it as a diet plan, except that you'll look rather pale and be completely wiped out when not doubled over clutching at your abdomen...or having explosive...well, anyway, it hurts to be beautiful, right?). I mean, for heaven's sake I know how many inches my waist is-and I'm capable of looking in a three-way mirror.

I tried some other brands and it was much the same story-suddenly everything is sized much smaller and we now have size zero and double zero. Really, do they think we're fooled? Anyone fooled by this is a fool. Is this some sort of American phenomenon, or has the rest of the world gone mad right along with us?

I don't have time for this sort of nonsense. It is difficult enough to try on a few pairs of pants in a size that ought to fit without having to guess. I suppose a seamstress might be able to look at something on the rack and know if it will fit (my grandmother could do that, but she could also run you up a skirt in fifteen minutes from a remnant without a pattern) but I cannot.

Disgusted (and tired!) I made my other purchases and left without the dungarees. I suppose if I only have the desire to wear them every decade or so, perhaps they will be back in fashion next time I'm struck with the urge to squeeze my well-fed behind into denim. I look better in skirts and dresses anyway.

As for the "Age Defying" makeup...well, you probably know how that one will end as well.

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