Saturday, December 23, 2017

The Worst Christmas Present Ever

I was at Big Lots today stocking up on sparkling apple juice for mocktails (not for me, obviously) when I spotted a four pack of Mitchum Deodourant elaborately packaged for holiday gift-giving. Uh, yeah! That says, "Merry Christmas" allright. I just can't. I mean, who would you give that to, even as a joke? Anyway, it gave me, and another shopper a good laugh as we pondered which executive thought they could sell more B.O. protection if they wrapped it in tinsel? It all felt very Reggie Perrin. 
This would make a lovely holiday gift. Did you see the news story about the elderly couple driving a van full of weed across the country to give as Christmas gifts to family back East? I immediately thought of this fragrance. It smells strongly of patchouli, but yeah, it also has that smell of a pipe that has ten year's worth of residue on it burning away like incense. I was never as interested in drugs as the people around me, which is probably for the best. I can barely stay awake after a couple cocktails these days. Anyway, for gift giving it is likely a better choice than a van full of  dope.
These vintage Avon earrings came in a bag of assorted items at the Sarpy museum sale. Still in the original box from the 70's, I couldn't get over how sweet they are. I would imagine as a stocking stuffer for a youngster they would have been a lovely gift, but I suspect they went instead to Nana, and she never wore them. I probably won't wear them either, but maybe someday I'll have a grandchild that will enjoy them. 
Speaking of Avon and Christmas...this lovely bottle of Moonwind  still smells great and does double-duty as a holiday decoration. Moonwind was such a lovely fragrance-green and woody with plenty of vetiver and oakmoss. I admit to stockpiling bottles of it because it is getting harder to find as people dump the fragrance, and try to sell the Avon bottles. Avon had some real beauties in the 70's (Charisma was another great one) that would rival many niche perfumes today. I'm not a perfume snob-I'm happy to wear Avon. 
I'm not icing the Christmas cake this year. Instead, I made some roll-out buttercream that I'll treat like marzipan and cut into designs. It takes well to tinting with food colouring. No one likes the hard, royal icing, so why bother? We'll have plenty of pretty things to look at on the table. 
Like a grilled cheese on stollen. That is Danny's creation. At least he didn't batter and deep fry it. 

For those of you that were curious about the turkey loaf, here it is fresh out of the oven. It took 2 1/2 hours to cook this thing. Anyway, they enjoyed it, so that's good.
This mini tree is great for my itchy nose. I was standing in front of the house posing for photos as my neighbours were moving out. I wonder if I had anything to do with it? I wouldn't want my kids growing up around me. Poor Danny.
Yeah...I'm pretty sure I'm the reason they're moving. Ah well, best of luck to them, but I know they'll miss me prancing around like a fool.

Okay, I'll leave you to your holiday planning just remember-deodourant, no matter how festive the packaging, is not an acceptable gift.


Bibi Maizoon said...

I have a cousin with Aspergers that would thoroughly enjoy a a 4 pack of deodorant as a gift. He also has organized drawers of a certain brand of toothpaste & disposable razors he loves too.
I'm not keen on smelling like MJ (we have 'pleasure' tourists here that reek of it) but I'd love some tinsel adorned pants like you're wearing!
Mmmm...turkey jello afloat in bouillion cube flavored cornstarch goop!

beate grigutsch said...

totally fab post!!!
love your humor very much - perfect to cheer me up on this emotion drenched day! wishing you lots of "gem├╝tlichkeit" and cool new neighbors!

Polyester Princess said...

I'd never heard of that frangrance, I wonder who came up with the name. He/she obviously has a better sense of humour than the 4 pack deodorant guy. No doubt that this would have been a he! Those Avon earrings and frangrance bottle are gorgeous. I'm imagining your ex-neighbours throwing backward glances in their rearview mirror while driving away, taking with them a lasting mental picture of you in your Christmas pants! xxx

Vix said...

More fool your neighbours, there lives will be a lot duller without you in it (unless they follow your blog!)
The name of the makers of Hascish sound like slang for lady parts!
Aren't some of the old Avon bottles lovely? I've got a particularly gormless looking poodle and an Alsatian in my collection - not sure if smelling like a dog's a good idea.
Those trousers are insane. Love 'em! xxx

Beth Waltz said...

I confess to harboring two old Avon bottles, a bunny and a dolphin. Have no idea what fragrances they once contained, but yes, I've worn many Avon florals back when the catalogs were common in office break rooms.

The deodorant 4-pack sound like a great gag gift, better than some I've received.

Oh, I do hope you waved goodbye with the tree as the ex-neighbors decamped!

Mim said...

Those Avon earrings are great. I can't remember Moonwind, but I do recall Charisma - a relative got me a bottle in my early teens; I think it was my first 'proper' perfume.

I'd live next door to you. And Vix. And Ann. And Sarah Porcelina. It'd be the best street EVER. Pete and I would be the Boring Couple.

Goody said...

I would love to live on that street!