Monday, October 19, 2015

A Couple Re-Posts to Bid Mr. Harper Farewell

Since mr. Harper won't be there to kick around anymore...


Monsters vs. Prime Ministers

Starring: Prime Minister Harper...and Monsters!

Mr. Harper Officially welcomes Gort the Robot to Ottawa:"Oh, well yes that's fine that you went to Calgary first."

But the Hydra wants a hat(s) too:
"Well really now, you keep losing them-you can't expect the city to keep handing out honorary hats if you keep losing them when you grow your head back. That's fiscally irresponsible. Really, you need to take that up with them, but for all the oil money in Alberta, they still can't be handing out hats to every monster that stops by to say hello and skeletalise a cow. Er...cattle. They're called "cattle." I think. Cattle? That's the proper term then? Right. Cattle. They might give you one hat, but I do think three are out of the question.

The Japanese ambassador wants to discuss mad cow disease in Canadian beef exports:

"Canadian beef is absolutely safe to eat, though we do recommend cooking it to a safe internal temperature. With your fire breathing capabilities that shouldn't be much of an issue.'s Mothra these days? Do send our regards.

The Liberal leader drops by:
"Look Iggy, I don't have time for your nonsense, I'm lousy with monsters at the moment...perhaps you failed to notice."

Mr. Harper addresses ecological issues:
"Well who told you to go near the sands in the first place? I mean, really now-you're a creature, a monster at that, you should know better. It is all fine and well to be looking out for the stupid migratory birds, but honestly, I thought you monsters could look out for yourselves. Oh yes, so tough when it comes to dragging swimmers out of the water, but put them near some oil sands and they're all "Oh...ewwww... I got dirty! Go get your NDP friends to scrub you off."

Mr. Harper on the nuclear threat:

Look Mr. Gort...that's your name? Gort? Is that Spaceman for "I have horrendous manners?" I thought so. As I was saying, Canada does not have nuclear ambitions. You really do need to stop pounding my head now-that really isn't polite and Canadians value polite behaviour above...pretty please, stop pounding my head? That really isn't terribly polite. You leave me no choice but to summon the RCMP...and they're bringing stun guns..

Mr. Harper on Tourism:
Why yes, we have tall buildings, why do you ask? Our women? Just lovely, lovely, lovely women. Well I don't know what you mean by "good screamers" but if it something American women do, then I'm sure our Canadian women can scream every bit as convincingly as their American counterparts. You're not actually a king are you? You're a monkey!


Monsters vs. Prime Ministers

Danny is really into monsters at the moment. He's also learning Canadian history. I shouldn't have been too shocked when he asked:

" Stephen Harper vs. Godzilla?"
"Well, what about Stephen Harper vs. King Kong?"
"King Kong."
(Getting frustrated) "Well what about Stephen Harper, Sir John A. and Pierre Trudeau vs. Godzilla?"
"I don't think Mr. Harper would accept their help."
"He would if he were fighting the Hydra. You'd need a few guys for that. Did you know the heads keep growing back?"
"You don't say."
"They do. He'd need help with the Hydra, for sure. Mama? How do you spell Cthulhu?"
"I don't think Harper could handle Cthulhu."

Kind of predictably, I found myself making cardboard templates of various Canadian prime ministers and monsters. Those of you who have been around the blog for a while know what happens when I start making cardboard templates. We all remember the Noam Chomsky cookies, correct? Yeah, that was fun. 

As a sort of amusing aside:

I tried using for a decent picture of Trudeau and the first image that came up had him shaking hands with Mao. Another had him with Castro, and yet another was John and Yoko. That's kind of funny because at the time I remember being kind of disgusted that he wasn't radical enough, but I guess Google is proving my memory wrong. I'll bet I have the only kid in Saunders County Nebraska playing with cardboard cut-outs of Canadian prime ministers battling least, I hope I have the only kid in Saunders County Nebraska playing prime ministers vs. monsters.

You watch yourself against that Cthulhu now Mr. Harper...


Bibi Maizoon said...

I have a crochet pattern around here somewhere for a stuffed Cthulhu, you can also tweak it to make a giant squid or an ammonite I believe.
How about Stephen Harper vs Che Guevara? Cecile Richards? Freddie Krueger?
Actually it's Durga festival time around here & in her Himalayan manifestations (Kali/Bhavani) the Goddess MUST HAVE BLOOD.
Water buffaloes, goats, pigs, chickens, ducks, pigeons, & even white mice are commonly sacrificed.
All the sacrificed animals are eaten- (not sure what is done with the white mice though).
Behold the MahaKali- black skinned but smeared fiery red with the intoxication of absolute rage, 4 arms wielding variously a sword, trishul, a severed human head, & skull-cup (or 'kapala'- catching the blood of the severed head), along with hair disheveled, fangs & tongue protuded, neck garlanded with the heads of demons She has slaughtered (a very auspicious 108), & loins girded with a skirt of the aforementioned demons' arms!!!
Pit that female Adi Parashakti against puny Stephen Harper & his evil minions!

Mim said...

If Danny needs a Prime Minister to kick, I heartily recommend ours. Though you might not want to tell him about piggate till he's old enough to hear about that sort of depravity. (Seriously, how is the git still Prime Minister? Oh yeah, he has the support of other gits...)

Bibi Maizoon said...

Ok, so I just rang up the Goddess for a bit of consultation on how to deal with these 'ultra righty uptighty whitey' types. (It's a toll free number here in the Himalayas.)
Anyhooo... She says She's totally booked 'til for the next 427,000 yrs till the end of the present age of Kali-Yuga (the age of vice & darkness) with all these festivals, bloodshed, mayhem, mishaps, the impending apocalypse of the world & really can't talk right now.
(I totally forgot She is Shiva's consort as well as the Deity of Time & Death- that must be one HELL of a schedule she's on.)
She did, however, refer me to some relevant prophecies of the age of Kali-Yuga in the Mahabharata-
Rulers will become unreasonable: they will levy taxes unfairly.
Rulers will no longer see it as their duty to promote spirituality, or to protect their subjects: they will become a danger to the world.
People will start migrating, seeking countries where wheat and barley form the staple food source.
Avarice and wrath will be common. Humans will openly display animosity towards each other.
Ignorance of dharma will occur.
People will take vows and break them soon after.
People will become addicted to intoxicating drinks and drugs.
(I'll leave it at that, it just gets worse...)
So unless you want Bibi to release her flying monkeys or gaggle of valkyries- y'all are just on your own!

Beth Waltz said...

I'm sniggling my way back through this hilarious post. Goddess grant we might hear Mr. Harper attempt to pronounce "Cthulhu".

Joseph Campbell would welcome Danny's entrance into the world of myths and monsters. Me, I think it's good prep for the coming presidential election spectacles.

Goody said...


Yeah, we just don't do interesting gods/superheroes in this part of the world.guess And, we're doomed. Shit, it is only Tuesday.

@Beth Waltz
The kid has a seriously disturbing sense of humour today...I can't imagine where that started.

Curtise said...

Danny is getting a wonderful education. I agree with Mim - set the monsters loose on Cameron... xxx

Goody said...

@Mim and Curtise

Consider it done-he already can't stand him.

To be serious though-the cutouts were a good way of teaching him world leaders, and of course, monsters (sometimes hard to tell them apart...). I did put an emphasis on Canada and Mexico because they're our neighbours and I thought it might be good to know something about them. The disinterest people show about the world beyond their own borders frightens the shit out of me, so the cutouts were just one way of approaching it when Danny was small.

Propagatrix said...

I think I recognize that hat: Curious George?

Goody said...


I think it was Mr. Potato Head.