Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Tuli Kupferberg Dies at 86 Years

Break out yer Fugs records to celebrate Tuli's life.

I don't have time or room to reprint the entire 1001 Ways To beat The Draft, but here are some of the better suggestions:

Grope J. Edgar Hoover in the silent halls of Congress

Castrate yourself

Start to menstruate (better red than dead!)

Replace your feet with wheels

Get muscular dystrophy when you're a kid

Join the Abraham Lincoln Brigade

Stretch yourself on a rack so you become over 61/2 feet tall

Marry Mao Tse tung

Stamp your foot in the ground like Rumplestiltskin and refuse to eat until our boys return home from Vietnam.

Declare war on Germany

Tell the Army psychiatrist if he doesn't let you into the Army, you'll kill him

Wear pants made of jell-O

Tell the draft board you're sending your mother to Vietnam to fight in your place

Learn to talk with your anus

When the doctor tells you to spread your cheeks, let him see the firecracker you placed there beforehand.

Develop bleeding stigmata

Run for Congress on the platform that Red China should be invited to send its surplus population to colonise new York and Arizona.

Develop an otherworldly metaphysical system and live by its precepts.

No comments: