Things No One Wants

 

I've been thinking quite a lot about my grandmother, given the war in Ukraine. I miss her, and I wish Danny could have known her. She was small (well under five feet) but mighty as any of my friends that were ever hugged and kissed by her will tell you. "Your grandma gives hard kisses." She did. She wanted to hang onto the people she liked because she lost so, so, many.  I'm sitting in the United States largely unaffected by this (unless god help us this goes nuclear or NATO gets involved). So now, I'm going to shut up, because I'm American. There are people much closer to this that have more informed things to say about it than a housewife in the American Midwest. I will say that wars are usually the work of powerful people getting masses of civilians killed on both sides. No sane person wants war. 

In other news, 

I'm taking an Instagram break. This felt like the right time given the state of the world, but it also felt right because I can no longer dress to disguise what's happening to my body. I suppose it was an arbitrary number, but I said if I dropped below 7st I would take a posting break, and that's what I'm doing. I worry about people, especially the young ones that have or are vulnerable to eating disorders. I wouldn't like to see people that look like me on runways or in fashion magazines because it is dangerous to the impressionable, so I won't contribute to that either. No, I'm not a model, but in showing the daily outfits, it IS a form of modelling. I feel like I have a responsibility as an adult on that site (and on tumblr too) not to do anything that might encourage anyone that's needing help. Eating disorders are deadly. My illness isn't an eating disorder of course, but no one knows that watching the images scroll by on the internet. I've been very public about my illness here, which is why I've taken a zero-tolerance approach to blocking people that don't respect that. So far, I've only had to block one person, and it made me sad, but after being corrected several times I can only assume that person is either sick or hostile. Either way, I can no longer permit them to participate on the blog. 

I don't know if I will post photos here, where people understand what's going on. I think it is long past being pleasant to see me actually wearing the outfits and I could still show what I wore laid out on the bed before getting dressed. I'll see how it goes. I don't want to upset people, even if they understand what's happening that doesn't mean they necessarily wish to see it. I'm running out of clothes that fit anyway. Might be a good time to photograph my accessories.  I've been tired, and getting dressed up posting takes a certain amount of energy too. So we'll see. 

Take care, and if you're the praying sort of person praying for peace wouldn't be out of place at this point. It couldn't hurt.