Thursday, April 10, 2014

Please, Don't

The World Herald downloaded something off the internet and called it an article (well, they did) suggesting you consider giving your child a unique name from literature (I'm not sure I'd call Clan of the Cave Bear, literature, but I'm not here to judge-your taste in novels. I'm absolutely going to judge if you name your child Athens Ebanks, even if you did read Far Tortuga, which you probably didn't).

I know what I'm talking about, having been named for (of all things) a Donovan song. Yes, yes they did. What's worse, they spelled it wrong because my mother, still in a ether haze in hospital couldn't remember how to spell it, so she called down to the local radio station and the DJ spelled it wrong, or she heard it wrong. But all that doesn't really matter when you've been named for a bloody folk song. Could have been worse, I guess they might have named me Sunshine Superman. Don't bother asking, I won't tell you.

I'm not opposed to crazy names, generally speaking. I am however worried that someone might chose a name off that list without reading the book first. Some of those characters were real bastards. Look, my sister was born on Goddamned Bloomsday, and my parents still resisted the urge to name her Molly. If only someone had thought to take away the Donovan records, my life would have been so different. Anyway, my point is (yes, yes, I'm getting to that) if you don't already frequent the library, it isn't a very sensible place to go seeking a name for your offspring. Why not go to the racecourse? The horses have some pretty excellent names. It would be a whole hell of a lot better than naming your daughter, Melanctha.

Go look at that list-if nothing else it will remind you of some books you meant to get round to reading.


Autumn said...

There are some terrible names on that list. Duddy? Hoover? Please.

My parents were hippies. My name is Autumn. I feel you. It could always be worse though.

Goody said...

I rather like the name Autumn, brings to mind colourful leaves and sunny days. It suits you!