Friday, November 07, 2014

Then Why Call it a, "Bird-Feeder" if You Won't Feed Me Any Birds?

Look who I found sitting on a tree branch over the bird feeder, keeping watch. Once, when Danny was small I came up the access road to the farm and there was a large hawk sitting on a post eating what looked like the remains of a meadowlark (couldn't be sure as the head was gone and he was digging-in like it was a 2 minute egg). Try explaining that to a child. I tried to shoo this one off, but he seemed pleased with his location, and didn't want to leave until he'd had his dinner. Eventually, with much slamming of the door, he gave up and flew across the street-but I know he's out there looking for a songbird meal.

Speaking of looking like a raptor tried pecking your eye out...
So, there was a little complication with the root canal on Monday. No one is positive what happened, though they think the irrigating solution (read, "bleach") somehow got from the bleeding root to my eye, and then down through my jaw to my throat. Not surprisingly, he wasn't able to finish the procedure, so I still need to go back and have it finished. The tooth is still throbbing, but compared to my face and throat...
Yeah. That sucked. The Ear Nose and Throat specialist had to put a tube down my throat from my nose to look around, and that didn't hurt as they numb you first, but it was the weirdest sensation. I hope I never have to do that again. I still can't really open my jaw. I've had two courses of antibiotics, and a course of steroids, so most of the swelling around the eye has gone down, or my face has swelled up so much from the Prednisone that you can't tell. Either way, I was finally able to see well enough out of that eye again to get dressed and go out-five days after it happened. So I know what you're thinking, "What could you wear to boost your confidence when you look like an obese Cabbage Patch doll with a raging case of the mumps, and a shiner?" If you were thinking, "white pleats" then, "Ding, ding, ding!" you're a winner. You don't really win anything. I could send you one of these instant-cold ice paks if you really want one. I can't say enough nice things about instant cold ice paks after this week. All those years in theatre came in handy when it was time to apply makeup. I think I did a fairly impressive job of it, if I may pat my own back. I almost look human. Well. all right, from certain angles.

 White Pleated Skirt=Low Self-Esteem. Yeah, well fuck it, I'm going for comfort here.
The shiny, satin blouse didn't help either. Is this a face that looks like it cares? Exactly. I really couldn't smile if I had to-my face is sort of stuck into this position. Kind of like Botox, but without the age-erasing benefits. 
I think the glasses do a good job of disguising the eye. I had to vote on Tuesday, and as I kept running into people I knew at the polling place, I had to go through the whole story each time because I didn't want anyone thinking my husband had punched me or something. Our polling place is at the library, so of course I know everyone there-and managed to run into every single one of them in the ten minutes I was in the place. I could barely see the ballot (one eye, and unable to wear glasses at that point). I really hope I didn't inadvertently vote for someone I didn't want. I know that none of the people I wanted to win did (save for one congressman) but that's fairly typical of my experience living in very conservative Nebraska. 

Outfit Particulars:

1970's pleated skirt-Goodwill
1980's satin blouse-Goodwill
1950's (or 60's) Janice Brendt beaded cardigan-Hand-Me-Ups
Gold Handbag-Goodwill
Gold Shoes-Goodwill
Shell Earrings-Hand Me Ups
Porcelain bracelet-Hand-Me-Ups
Fragrance- Jovan, Woman (I should hate this cheap stuff, but in fact I adore it)

Yeah, that face isn't moving anytime soon.

Now to be serious. I am posting this along with the awful photo not for sympathy, but because it is so incredibly rare a complication I thought it might be helpful for the next person it happens to. I tried Googling and couldn't find much information out there, and every medical person that has been involved in the treatment has been unfamiliar with it as well. I don't want to scare anyone off dentistry-I have had root canal procedures done before without any complications whatsoever. I'm still in loads of pain, so I can't say how long this will persist, or what the eventual outcome will be (I may lose the tooth, have damage to my eye, jaw, etc.) but I can say that if you're dentistry phobic, and reading this please know that this is really not something you need to be concerned about experiencing. The chances are millions and millions to one. I know that's poor consolation if you're the "one", but there you go.
Give us a kiss? Yeah, I don't blame you.

Finally, I stopped to pick up a few groceries. They had cabbage for .69 cents a pound, which is outrageous, but less than the normal outrage, so I bought one. The cashier rang it up at .99 per pound. I told her it was on sale, so the bagger ran back to check, and said, it was .99

I try to pick my fights wisely, and I don't know if it was the pain, the steroid medication, or the fact that they want me to pay a buck a pound for a goddamned cabbage but I grabbed the manager, and we all marched over to the giant bin filled with cabbage that read, .69 cents. This store will give you the purchase free if the price is wrong, so rather than void the original ring-up, she gave me a credit for $3.70 which would have been fine, except that the cabbage rang up originally at $3.74. I think we all know where this is going. It isn't the .4 cents, it is the fact that I had just spent $184.00 on groceries and I didn't feel like dealing with anymore bullshit, four cents or not. I think I might have been channeling my Mum, Nan, and Mama Bess all at once in some sort of old-lady-cheapskate trifecta, but I had had it. Thankfully, the gentleman in line behind me was already quite lit as it is Friday afternoon, and when I apologised for taking so long he just took that as an opportunity to share what wisdom he had gleaned from reading the scandal sheets as we waited for someone more senior to be called to the register to resolve the cabbage dispute. At any rate, he was nice about it.

"But why do you call it a "Bird Feeder" if you don't want me eating the birds? Feed me some birds, damnit! It doesn't have to be anything fancy like a robin, a couple good sized sparrows would do."

I bought myself a dozen roses on the way home because I can't bite off anyone's head and eat their entrails like spaghetti. At least not until my jaw loosens up.

My weekend is going to be spent in bed with an icepak on my face, and a hot water bottle on my gut. I hope yours is much better.


Bibi Maizoon said...

My that looks painful.
My husband had an infected tooth pulled whose roots extended all the way up into his sinuses. He was left with a similarly stunning shiner from from the infection & other pro-inflammatory nasties draining through that 'hole'.
Your facial swelling doesn't look like the Cushing-oid 'moon face' associated with high dose, long term courses of corticosteroids.
Prednisone is famous for being rough on the tummy though & disturbing sleep (even at low doses). Famotidine is an oldie but a goodie for preventing the stomach issues, sleep.....well that's a bit more complicated.
Get well soon!

Autumn said...

Poor you! At least you still look fab. Feel better!

Connie said...

Oh Goodie. I feel so bad for you. But I have to admit that your make-up skills and your cheering up techniques are excellent. This is most unfortunate. I really hope you feel better soon. I'm pretty certain that you will. But all this medical mishegas is completely annoying. I have spent the past 2 1/2 years in chronic pain because of a doctor screw up. What can you do? Personally I like vodka and cookies. And on the bird front. Awesome hawk. We have a couple in my neighborhood and they are so beautiful but they scare the s#*t out of me. Poor little neighborhood song birds.. Poor little Goodie.

Goody said...

I completely forgot about the sleep disruption thing-that explains A LOT! Thank you! I'd been wondering what on earth was bolting me awake at 4 AM. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's tooth extraction-that sounds awful.

You're kind, but I look like something the raptor at the top of the post coughed-up...or is that just owls that do the pellets? I appreciate your well wishes though. I really hesitated to post this because I know how terrifying it looks (worse in person though, so you've all been spared that). Maybe someone will find it helpful someday, mid-panic like we were Monday morning.

I'm so sorry hon, I had no idea about your chronic pain situation. There's something seriously messed-up with a society where people can be injured so devastatingly, and there's no recourse (unless they kill you, then your family has recourse-maybe). I've always believed that the secret to a long healthy life is staying the hell away from doctors (and dentists, though the latter is harder to avoid). I hope you find some relief.

Sue said...

Trust you to make light of a situation!! With makeup and glasses as a disguise you cannot notice the swelling in the photos. I woke up once with a fat eye, been bitten by something, I looked gorgeous!! NOT! This is why I went for extraction over the root canal, I must have known something. Bird feeder indeed. Chuck him a sparra!! But not in front of the kid.

Goody said...

Did you ever find out what bit you? It wasn't TOF, was it?!

I'm trying to keep a sense of humour through this, mostly for Danny's sake. I didn't want him freaked out by it, so we're just going on as normal and keeping all discussions about it private. Obviously he knows what happened, but at this point we're not discussing the extent of it in his presence.

I think that hawk is the raptor world's version of a connoisseur . Too good to eat field mice like everyone else. I had no idea they would come that close to the house.

Asparagus Pea said...

Nature - red in tooth and claw. Hope your poorly face sorts itself out soon xxx

Curtise said...

Oh dear, that sounds pretty horrendous, I do hope the pain and swelling resolve as soon as possible. You know, you really have done well with disguising it, you have incredible make-up skills!
I watched a sparrow hawk tucking into a pigeon on our lawn once, there were feathers everywhere, it looked as though it had snowed.
The cabbage debacle made me laugh! I would have done just the same.
You deserve roses, at the very least, love! Take care. xxx

Goody said...

Thank you. I hope so too-tomorrow will be a week and I'm still in the "it will get worse before it gets better" stage.

Dermablend-I can't say enough nice things about the stuff when you need to cover scars, or bruises, etc. I have no idea what they put in it, but that makeup does not come off until you take it off. I can't wear it everyday (drying) but when I care about hiding my bright red nose and cheeks, nothing is better. Thank you for the kind thoughts-I'm trying to be optimistic, and I appreciate your supportive words.

I used to find feathers across the lawn and I'd blame the farm cats...ooops. It probably was hawks. Or both.
I knew you would understand my indignation. I mean, four cents is four cents. I still bend over to pick up a penny-drives me crazy when Danny won't bother.

Mim said...

That looks awful! I hope it's going down now, it must be agony. I'd be grumpy too with dental pain like that.

Goody said...

Thanks for the kind thoughts. I really am trying my best to keep it to myself, but good heavens, I'm short tempered from all this. I feel like I ought to hang a sign around my neck that reads, "Don't take anything I say seriously." Not that anyone ever does...

Jayne H said...

Ooooer, Goody I do hope things are settling down on the dental front.
Your story about the cabbage rang a bell with me and various discussions I have had with the supervisor in my local Asda - glad you had a nice man in the queue at the same time.
Best wishes x

Helga said...

O, feck, honey, that sucks!!!!
Bloody WHAT do they think they are doing?! Ow. You do look rather serene, thogh, in that virginal oputfit. And just call it "resting bitch face"!
Poor lamb. I'm thinking I would have preferred that the hawk had done it, it's a more exciting story. Just say that anyway, if anyone asks. Go the full sympathy inducing routine with a touch of Hitchcock!
Hope your swelling goes down very soon!

Goody said...


I'm certain if I went in the store and bought another cabbage they still wouldn't have the price corrected. Sigh. These kids don't understand the value of money. But we do, don't we?


I think the hawk would have been more efficient about it!

Joanna said...

Oh dear! What a terrible thing to have to go through. I think those of us who have had a root canal really extra sympathize with you. It's simply a big pain and process just to have this alone. I've had a couple and they are painful. So sorry this had to happen to you. You took it like a trooper. At first I thought this story was going to turn into a battle with a bird attack. Fight for that cabbage!